Compromises

Yesterday I ate refried beans that were waaay too tasty to be vegan. I knew this before consuming them, and I chose to do it anyway.

In Eating Animals, Jonthan Safran Foer discusses the human need to "break bread"; that we use food as a communal activity, and that to reject someone's offering of food is tantamount to rejecting the person himself/herself. PETA urges vegans and vegetarians not to "sweat the small stuff" (read about it here http://www.peta.org/living/vegetarian-living/tiny-amount-of-animal-products-in-food.aspx) in the name of making veganism and vegetarianism seem more "doable" to meat-eating family and friends.

I had already prepared myself for the possibility that I would not be able to adhere steadfastly to veganism at the dinner I attended last night, and it was the first time I really could see no way around it. I was invited to dinner at student's house, which was an amazing and incredibly kind gesture on the part of her family. They simply wanted to say "thank you" to some of their daughter's teachers, and it was so moving and wonderful to be invited to their home. Hence, I did not plan on making a stink about being vegan.

I did not eat cheese, but I am like 110% sure that those refried beans had pork fat. I had 2 helpings. You win some, you lose some. I feel guilty, and I feel stupid for feeling guilty. It's a compromising position in every sense: an awkward place to be and a place where compromise feels inevitable.

I'm in about week 5 of being a vegan, and it's getting harder. I smell cheese on Papa John's pizza, and really struggle with whether I care more about my morals or about melty cheese. Last night, I really really thought hard about whether or not my ideals are worth never having another piece of red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory (that stuff is really, REALLY good).

I feel like I'm in one of those moments that I love to wax poetic about to students: that time when the going gets tough, and it's what you do next that defines your character. So I've switched my brand of pasta (no more Barilla pasta PLUS - it has egg whites; bought Barillo whole grain - tastier, in my opinion), and I eat soy yogurt and tofutti (in place of cream cheese). I wonder, however, what is the balance between reasonable compromise and compromising my ethical choice?